I scanned the waiting room full of people and my heart sank. I watched a woman in her 40’s struggle to shuffle across the room with her walker and another woman who I later found out was 41 limp towards the washroom as she leaned on her teenage daughter for support. My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a motorized scooter carrying a woman who couldn’t have been much older than me. Across the room I noticed a young girl in her early 20’s who was soon called into her appointment and moved much more slowly than a girl her age should. I could feel my heart getting heavy. 

This is the unwelcome reality of MS.

On Tuesday I had an appointment at the MS Clinic at UBC in Vancouver. My neurologist, a specialist in MS, sees only patients with the disease so I knew that each of these women were suffering from the multiple sclerosis. 

Maybe I’ve been too optimistic since I was diagnosed, but I hadn’t really prepared myself for the reality that MS is often a disabling disease. I mean, I knew the prognosis and I’ve had terrible dreams that I was wheelchair bound, but I wasn’t really ready for this. Was this my future? If so, how long did I have?

I recognize that there is small percentage of people with MS who go on to live very normal, active lives, but there are also many who suffer greatly from the disease. I guess I always thought that I would be one of the lucky ones. I wish I could predict that. 

So, what am I supposed to do? Fear was creeping in and for a moment I began to let my mind wander. I can’t lose hope. 

“We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain” Hebrews 6:19 ESV

I believe in God and I trust in Him. My hope doesn’t emerge from wishful thinking or failure to face my present realities; It comes from the truth that God is unchanging, immovable and constant in my life regardless of my circumstances. This hope is an anchor for my soul. Even in the midst of the wind and waves from the biggest storm I’ve ever experienced, my hope keeps me from drifting away into fear of the unknown.  

I am hopeful. Not because of the potential of new treatments or because I’ve mustered up enough positive thoughts to keep me going. I am hopeful because I know that no matter what my future looks like, I look forward to the hope that one day the world will like God originally designed it to be. My hope is built on nothing less. 

In everything, I put my hope in the one who anchors me. 

(This “Hope Anchors My Soul” Print is now available for pre-order in the print shop!)